I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
