I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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