just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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