i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize