Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
