Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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