the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
