Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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