The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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