legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
