ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
