were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
