return my video game
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
