Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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