Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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