i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
