Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
