soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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