all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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