So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
