just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
