Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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