My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize