just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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