If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
