Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
