Joe is yelling at the trees again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
