I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There r osticjed everywhere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
