i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
