margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
