sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
