i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
