We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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