I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
