Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
