Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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