Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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