Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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