In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
