Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
