He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
