Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
