there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
