Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
