I cockslap morals
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
