Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
