The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
