im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
