Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize