Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
