I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
