We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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