We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
