Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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