Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
