He felt like a one man threesome
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
