She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
