My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The ass gains better be worth it
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