so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
