I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
