Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
