I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
