So drunk its hurt
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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