It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
